The Top 10 Worst Romance Tropes EVER
Hi readers and other bookish creatures!
This week wraps up our romantic February 2020 and with such a wonderfully romantic month, I’d like to throw a monkey wrench in everything by bringing the romance down just a notch (or two, or three). This week, in Bookish Things, we’re discussing the 10 Worst Romance Tropes EVER! And you better buckle up because this is going to be a spicy take, I can assure you. We’re spending a little time with my reader brain today, so the opinions, sass, and spice are in full force and my kind, communicative, editor brain will have to take a backseat for today. (Also, I’m hoping the pretty heading text will soften the blow for some of these. (Good luck, readers.)
We’re going to cover, in my opinion, the top 10 worst romance tropes but for this rant (and for the sake of saving time,) I am going to avoid the most common tropes such as cringey insta-love, the overdone love-triangle, and alpha-douches because 1) you probably already know all about them since they’re so overplayed, and 2) they’re sort of implied and any reader worth their salt would likely dislike these tropes. (Of course, I am not speaking for EVERY book out there, and there are always exceptions to the rule.) These tropes came up in some of my recent reads from last year and I really wish they hadn’t. I won’t be naming names, but if you know, you know.
Trigger warning: This blog post discusses difficult topics such as sex slaves, abusive relationships, manipulation, graphic virgin sex, rape/non-consensual sex, age gaps, and other dark topics often present in mainstream adult romance. If you are offended by these topics, please understand I am in no way advocating for these topics or their presence in fiction. I am only highlighting their cringe-y nature and giving my own opinion as to why they should be removed from future works. Also, this post contains mature language. Typically, I air on the side of omitting swears from my writing, but since this work is satirical in nature and is not meant to be taken seriously, I figured I would keep the personal touch.
Lust that just needs to calm the F down
Of course, in any adult romance novel, you’re going to find lust, and some scenes can get really steamy, really quickly. However, some writers really just need to take a step back and calm down when it comes to lust in their writing. It’s not always the long, obnoxiously lusty descriptions either—sometimes it’s the little things that really take me out of the story. For instance, if a character has to physically restrain himself from mounting another character, maybe there’s more going on than physical attraction, and it’s definitely not self-control. Or another one is when character emit a sexual response to a non-sexual event, such as various body parts growing hard when one character gets close to another. What the heck is even going on?
Slave fics - Slaves falling in love with their masters. (Really?!)
Yeah, I had to write that line, and you had to read it and now we’re both in this ugly situation together. Hooray for mutual awkwardness.
Believe me when I say I REALLY don’t want to have to explain this. But here we go.
If Stockholm syndrome in fiction is romantic, then nails scraping a chalkboard, the act of licking spiders, and stepping barefoot on broken glass are romantic too. I’m sorry that this is an unpopular opinion, except that I not sorry—like not even a little bit.
I totally understand the appeal for BDSM fiction, but what I really don’t get is the prominence of romance stories where the main character starts the story out as a slave and ends up becoming the love interest of their master. This trop can often be observed in BDSM fiction, but miss the mark —by a landslide, I might add by forgetting one of the biggest elements of good BDSM love stories, both in real life and in fiction, and that’s that the overall relationship must be built on a foundation of love and trust.
Stories where the slave falls in love with his/her master is just wrong on so many levels and it one of the reasons the BDSM community get such a bad rep. I find it so uncomfortable and pretty gross, honestly, when a character is treated as property and then falls in love with the character that treats them as said property. I seriously don’t think that’s the most obvious course of action in any given slave story.
Next time you find yourself reading or writing a story with this trope, ask yourself, “Should I be contributing to the complete inaccurate depiction of an entire community by writing/reading this?” If the answer is no (and it is) then just don’t do it.
Condescending pet names
I just love pet names—between family, friends, and especially romantic partners. One of my all time favorites (you guessed it) is when Patch calls Nora Angel in Becca Fitzpatrick’s Hush, Hush Saga. It’s a name that has layers of meaning and initially incites annoyance in Nora before they’re an actual couple.
However, I just cannot stand it when the love interests gives the main character an annoying pet name, just to be a douche. (notice that I spelled out “cannot” and that’s how you know these are genuine, spicy emotions I’m feeling, here.) Even though Patch calls Nora Angel, the name isn’t particularly, annoying or offensive to her or the reader and she eventually grows to love the name. I know writers tend to taunt readers with this trope because it instills intimidation and an unbalanced power dynamic in their MC’s romantic relationships, but it comes off as annoying, condescending, and downright rude. Well-adjusted people just don’t go around giving pet names to strangers just to piss them off.
Omitting the first kiss altogether
I really don’t understand why some writers chose to omit the first kiss from their romances when it’s a really important moment to any relationship, real or fictional. Whether or not I have to trudge through two whole books to get to the first kiss between the love interest and the MC, I want that kiss. I don’t care if you include 1, 10, or 100 kisses throughout the course of your novel, but you better include the first kiss, because if you don’t, I will find you, and it won’t be pretty. (Unlike your lovely romance novel that HAS the first kiss scene present.) 😊
Bloody, painful, virgin sex
Newsflash, uneducated, male writers, that’s not how female genitalia works. Just sayin’. Anyone with a vagina will tell you this trope is old, overplayed, and absolutely inaccurate. I’ll spare you the inaccurate, gory details, but when you’re writing virgin sex, remember that it doesn’t need to be a horror show. A hymen is not a sheet of flesh that needs to be broken through, like a damn fortress wall, so can we all agree to stop writing it that way. Let’s all just get a better understanding of basic human anatomy, shall we? What’s more is if the MC’s love interest has any human decency and regard for their partner’s pleasure, bloody, painful virgin sex should be negligible. It’s not romantic, it’s not accurate, and it’s not fun for either party involved, so just leave it out.
The naïve girl (stupid girl)
Just imagine me scrubbing my hands down my face as I write this one, because I am.
The trope that seems to be present in every single badly-written romance I’ve ever read is the one that takes place between a heterosexual paring of a man (that typically fits at least three of the tropes on this list) along with a woman who somehow is always described as Naïve. For whatever reason, many writers like to use the word, “Naïve” to excuse or explain away idiotic decision making in order to drive the plot forward. (Of course, they have to find something to move the plot forward and that’s obviously where the alpha douche comes in to save our MC from the shit-show she’s gotten herself into. God forbid, a woman thinks for herself.)
Why do we keep calling characters like this, Naïve? The word Naïve refers to someone who lacks experience or wisdom and is not synonymous with being a fucking idiot. It’s absolutely possible to write a romance story with a woman who has at least half a brain. Additionally, we’ve been using the word Naïve for so long, we’ve forgotten the proper context of it and truthfully, at this point it seems like it would be a refreshing take on the whole trope if writers were to start using correctly.
The word, my reader friends, is STUPID. She is stupid. If she has screwed up her life so badly and requires the aid of a bumbling brute of a man to save her from her own actions, she is stupid. I’m not sorry, I don’t take it back, and I don’t care what you have to say in response, it’s just stupid.*Mic drop* 🎤
Okay, I’m picking the mic back up, because this list isn’t over. Oh no, far from it, in fact. Oof. Let’s just keep it moving, shall we?
Please go get help if you do this one
Piggybacking on the trope of slave fics (*shudders*) so many writers like to include sexy assaults in their writing. I am only going to say this once, so please listen up:
blurring the line of consent IS NOT OKAY AND NEVER SHOULD IT BE CONSIDERED SEXY.
Like ever. Some people think it’s okay, and I seriously worry for them. All the time in romance, I see sayings like “He’s the kind of guy who takes what he wants” or “He doesn’t take no for an answer.” You know what? These sayings sound exactly like the kind of thing a rapist would say.
I’ve heard that some writers excuse themselves for writing characters like this, by saying that they feel ashamed of their desires and by funneling them into their characters, they rid themselves of the shame and fault. However, this type of writing only further perpetuates toxic stereotypes and extends the cycle of shame for future generations. Let’s put it out of our misery already, okay?
Also, (and I am going to blow some of y’all’s minds right now by saying this) what if I told you it is in fact, possible to write a steamy, believable romance scene with an assertive partner, without them being a predator. Huh? Huh? I know it sounds tricky—that’s because it is. But any good writing is tricky and what any good writer will tell you is that cutting corners is not the way to go. If you want your writing to be good, don’t write shitty love scenes between a helpless protagonist and a predator. Just take the time to do it right. And if you’re a proponent of this trope, please just do us all a favor and see therapy instead.
Redeeming the abuser
Proponents: “Okay, look, I know he raped/ abused/ assaulted /manipulated her, but trust me it all works out in the end and he really makes up for it.”
Me and literally everyone else: “What the hell?”
I don’t understand people like this. I mean, you do hear what you’re saying, right? Like, the words coming out of your mouth aren’t an accident. I know when it comes to fiction, we’re allowed to give way to fantasy, but I genuinely want to know who is fantasizing about this. (On second thought, keep them far, far away. Thanks.)
Of course, I am all for abusers bettering themselves and becoming good people, but can they please get the help they need, away from their victims? Calling back to the previous item on this list, therapy works wonders and I totally support you, but please just work on yourself in a different city, zip code, and especially a different book than your victim.
I’m just really tired of this cliché and it makes my stomach turn when I continue to see it in 2020. The reason this, and most of the other tropes on this list are just awful and should be done away with is because they are sending really unhealthy messages to impressionable, young readers.
Age gaps in supernatural romances
I totally get having age gaps in romance—heck, it’s a part of real-life romances as well. YouTubers Jenna Marbles and Julien Solomita are like seven years apart. My own mother and father have like six years between them. And some age gaps (although a bit unwieldy) can span 10-20 years, as long as everyone is of age, then it’s all above board.
But what I don’t get and really don’t like are the age gaps that tend to happen in supernatural romances, where the love interest is hundreds of thousands of years older than the main character. Twilight much? I mean, I just don’t understand what an eighteen-year-old girl would have in common with a 60-thousand-year-old dude. Like, let him go, hon, you’re young, vibrant, and fresh, and he’s ancient.
I’m 23 and even I look at eighteen-year-olds like they’re babies. Eww. How does some old and crusty ancient dude look at a barely legal woman and think, “she gets me”? I think you mean, she get’s you hard. Besides, what would she want with the old dude anyways? What could the two possibly have in common together? Oh? None of that matters because he’s somehow super hot and super rich and common ground and personality have no meaning anyways? Well, why didn’t you say so? All good! 👍
No idea who the love interest actually is
Lightening things up for the end, here I’d like to talk about another bad romance trope and that’s when I have no clue who the love interest even is. If I am a hundred pages in and I don’t even know who the MC’s love interest is, and it’s a romance novel, we’re going to have some issues. Even harem romances give us some idea of who the MC’s got their eyes on. I just can’t get on board with a character who has been in love with this guy, and then has sudden, compelling sexual attraction to the next guy, and then realizes this girl is flirting with her, and then this other guy out of the blue, ends up proposing to her. Like, what???
Basically, what happens here is too many potential love interests are introduced and the lines become blurred. It’s okay to have love triangles (that’s a rant for another day so for now, let’s assume the love triangles are well-written) but we have to (going with the metaphor) clearly see the sides of the triangle. I want to be able to clearly and easily understand who is in love with who and what is happening, even when the characters don’t.
Additionally, if I don’t care who the love interest is, then you might as well just give up on writing romance. Readers care about ships because they pick up on chemistry between the characters, but if they’re not vibing then it means your characters are boring and one-dimensional, and not romantic (which if you asked me, sort of defeats the purpose!)
How are writers supposed to write chemistry, we all failed that class, yeah? Please believe me when I say good chemistry can be done, and I don’t mean the science-y kind (although that’s is pretty fun too!) It takes time to hone your writing skill and gain enough experience to effectively write compelling romance. Your first book will never be your best, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn and grow throughout the writing process. All snark aside, I truly do think good writing is possible, and it can and should be done without these awful romance tropes.
Whew! *wipes forehead* Somehow, we made it through that list. Of course, this is all meant to poke fun at some of the cringiest romance tropes in all of fiction. (And highlight problematic ones too, obvi) and I mean no harm to anyone reading this. This is all meant to be light-hearted and funny and in jest. For most of these, if you do them, I don’t think you’re a bad person—just a bad writer! 😉 (Just kidding, calm down. Jeez.)
But all of these cringy romance tropes are the worst and are definitely overplayed. I think we should start ridding our writing of them in order to exterminate them forever. Trust me, we have enough to last us a lifetime (or two).
What did you think of this list? Do you agree with any of the items? What do you think is the absolute worst romance trope ever? Do you like any of these tropes—be careful admitting this because I’ll come for you in the comments! (Again kidding, maybe.) Let me know down below and as always, thanks for reading.
Further reading:
—Payton
How to Write Hate-To-Love Romance
Photo by Rodnae Productions.
Hey writerly friends!
Today, we’re talking about my absolute favorite type of romance and that is hate-to-Love romance. This is the kind of romance that buds in Becca Fitzpatrick’s romantic thriller, Hush, Hush. It’s the kind of romance where the story starts out with the couple-to-be hating each other before they come to realize they actually love each other. These types of stories start out with disgust, resentment, and hatred and end with the characters realizing they’re in fact, perfect for each other.
As you might imagine, a lot of character development has to happen between the beginning and the ending of hate-to-love romances for this change of heart to seem believable to the reader. Is it tricky to write? Yeah. But is it totally worth it? Yeaaaah!
Looking back on my own writing, I’ve noticed I use this trope a loooot and I really enjoy reading it too. I’ve also noticed a ton of other people really enjoy this trope as well and unsurprisingly, a few great examples of hate-to-love romances are Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, and L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables. There are of course tons more of examples, but for the sake of this blog post, we’re going to discuss these two classics.
Although it rarely happens in real life, hate-to-love romance is a pleasure to read and a pleasure to write because it makes your story a thousand times more dynamic and interesting due to the big change of heart and the extensive character development that must take place to pull this kind of romance off. When done well, these kinds of stories are incredibly addictive and are hard for readers to put down.
So with my experience of writing and nerding out about hate-to-love romance, today I am going to show you how to craft a realistic-feeling and brilliant story arc that will take your characters from enemies to more-than-friends.
Step 1: Establish the reason for all the hate
First off, we have to establish why our MC’s hate each other. Whether they’ve hated each other for a long time, or they’re only just now meeting for the first time and aren’t exactly hitting it off, no one hates without a reason. Hate is the flip opposite of love and as such can be an equally strong feeling, therefore we need the reason behind it to be just as strong. What “hate” boils down to in this context is a negative judgement one character makes about another based on their misbelief or perspective.
So, what negative judgments do your character make about each other?
Matthew Macfadyen as Mr.Darcy and Kiera Knightley as Elizabeth Benet in Pride and Prejudice (2005).
Let take Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice for example, where Elizabeth first meets Mr. Darcy and is immediately put off by his palpable pride and arrogance, not to mention his miserable expression and on the other hand, we have Mr. Darcy who can describes the laughing, and lighthearted Lizzie as “barely tolerable” and is repelled by her family and their lack of propriety. It’s definitely not a smooth start to one of the greatest love stories of all time.
Bad impressions are usually the root of all dislike. When we don’t know someone, we try decide whether or not we should trust them and when they display any sign of being unlikable in our eyes, our brains, and hearts are quick to judge.
Writing exercise: The First Meeting
If you’ve never written the first meeting of you MC’s into their backstory (even if it doesn’t show up in the actual story) I highly, highly recommend doing so. Write out the scene, feel the tension, and get to know the reason for their disliking each other like the back of your hand. I’m serious. Write out the scene start-to-finish and fully understand what their reason for hating each other is and trust me, once you do you will have a much easier time writing about them and their mutual dislike of one another.
Step 2: Who hates who?
Relationships, even ones hewn from hate are usually a lot more than just “we hate each other.” As you can imagine from the first step, there is so much more tension and conflict boiling under the surface. What if it’s much deeper than that—what if the bad feeling isn’t exactly mutual? What if person A hates person B but person B is in love with person A? That makes for a much more tense, more conflicting love story, especially if they end up together after all. Talk about drama! The plot thickens, my writerly friends, the plot thickens!
Although this is still hate-to-love romance, this kind of imbalance throws a monkey wrench into an otherwise simply romantic relationship and is one of my absolute favorite tropes to write because you can throw in all kinds of twists and turns that will throw off the reader while they’re concerned with the almost tangible tension of the main characters.
Megan Follows as Anne Shirley and Jonathan Crombie as Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables (1985).
Let’s take Anne of Green Gables, for example. The two main characters, Anne and Gilbert get too pretty bad first impressions of each other when he teases her on her first day of school and she breaks a writing slate over his head. Yeah, not a good first impression, guys. Not good at all. However, what Anne doesn’t realize is that Gilbert actually likes her, despite his boyish teasing and their competitive relationship that follows that first encounter. He likes her fiery spirit and determination to better him and the reader quickly becomes swept up in their relationship because they want to know what kind of change of heart will happen to these two dynamic and opposing characters. But you know what they say about opposites attracting, right ? What happens when they both change their minds about each other? Then, my friends, we have a wonderfully romantic mess on our hands.
Step 3: The Middle-Ground of Friendship
Thirdly, DO NOT forget the halfway point between love and hate, friendship. Nothing will make your hate-to-love romance seem unrealistic more so than leaving out this key story arc. You must, must, must have this to make a flawless and believable transition between your characters hating and loving each other. A change of heart never comes suddenly. It’s not an overnight thing; it happens over time. I like to think of it like the alphabet; between A and Z there are twenty-four other letters that act as steppingstones for the characters to bridge the gap and experience the change of heart needed for any good hate-to-love romance. Use these other letters, these other moments that take place in the middle-ground to make the hate-to-love transition believable to your readers. This time is great for building your character’s friendship or forcing them to make do with “we don’t know what this is and we’re getting along, but it’s weird.”
Step 4: Let the Change of Heart Go Unnoticed
This makes for an extremely effective hate-to-love transition, especially when the character’s themselves are unaware of it, even if the reader can tell what is going on.
For example, at the end of Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth asks Mr. Darcy when he started to fall in love with her and he replies:
“I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”
Ugh, can I just??
See, even Mr. Darcy didn’t know the exact moment he’d fallen in love with Elizabeth.
Step 5: Let Your Characters Resist Love
Chances are your characters have been hating each other for a long time, whether in the backstory or over the course of your own novel, and anything new, unfamiliar, or different will likely scare them. They’ve been hating each other for all this time and now, romance and love are uncharted waters for these people. Chances are that when they first feel love after hating each other so long, they’re not going to admit they were wrong right away and start loving each other—no, they’ll probably experience some friction. They’ll likely be thinking, “Eww, is this what emotions are like? Get it off of me!” or something to that effect.
This adverse effect to the change in heart that occurs in hate-to-love romance is what makes this trope so enjoyable and often comical. The psychological side of it is that we often resist any type of change, especially changes in heart from enemies to friends and more. When our hard-won beliefs are challenged, our first instinct is to dig our heels in even deeper and resist the new emotions. What happens to the characters in these critical turning points is they are experiencing three key emotions that we absolutely must dive into and that’s a) vulnerability, b) fear, and c) desire for comfort. The characters, just like us, are afraid to step out of their comfort zone and into uncharted waters. They’re afraid to try new things, feel new emotions, and welcome change of any kind, and the character should display these feelings of resistance in your hate-to-love story as well.
Of course, their attempts to stay on the warpath are futile and both you and your reader knows this. However, you have to at least let them try. Give them some time to wallow in these misguided, resisting emotions and allow them to grow from it. If your characters caved to the first shred of affection they felt from their nemesis, then your readers won’t be please, I can tell you that much.
Megan Follows as Anne Shirley and Jonathan Crombie as Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables (1985).
Let’s go back to Anne of Green Gables, shall we? It takes Anne a lot of time and introspection to realize she does indeed have feelings for Gilbert. She has to swallow the hard pills of her pride and stubbornness and come to grips with the fact that she was wrong all this time—not an easy realization for anyone.
Of course, your characters’ hate-to-love story will be unique to them—but how they handle the transition and how it shapes them and effects them as the story progresses—that’s what the story is truly about.
That’s it for my 5 Tips for Creating Irresistible Hate-to-Love Romance. What do you think of these tips? Do you enjoy reading or writing hate-to-love, or both? What are some of your favorite hate-to-love novels or films? Let me know in the comments below!
Further reading:
—Payton
10 Heart-Warming and Heart-Wrenching Scenes for your Romantic Thriller
Hi writerly friends!
Welcome back! This week, we’re talking about five heart-warming and 5 heart-wrenching scenes to write into your romance novel! I can’t remember where I first heard of writing different/alternate scenes to get you unstuck from a difficult scene, but I figured I’d put my own spin on it! You don’t actually have to include these in your story but they’re excellent writing prompts to set within the realm of your own story and it makes a great writing exercise if you’re stuck in the middle of a scene.
Lock them up ❤️😂
While this sounds more like a heart-wrenching scene, I have seen some pretty funny scenes come out of characters being locked in a room with one another. Consider what dialogue you could use here and how this memory will help build their character prior to the story.
Kill someone 💔
I don’t mean literally! But kill your characters to see how their leaving the story changes the outcome. Consider how the other characters would react if the main character died. How would the story go from there? How would it ever get told?
Photo by Rodolfo Clix.
I wouldn’t exactly do this if the story its told in first person and in the POV of the character you chose to kill, but consider how the story would be different if he remaining characters had to carry the story to completion after the death of your MC.
What could go wrong? ❤️😂
As yourself this question when writing a scene you’re stuck in the middle of and then write exactly what can go wrong. I did this in one of my short stories and it worked wonders. This is especially great for best-friends-to-lovers stories where comical situations only bring the friendship even closer.
Their pet escaped 💔
This can go either really well or really badly depending on how you write it. Pretend as if of your characters pet has escaped and they enlist the help of their best friend of love interest to rescue it. This can come out very Cheetah Girls, or dog runs away for good. The point of this is to put your characters in an emotionally demanding situation to see how they’ll react under pressure.
It’s their wedding day ❤️
If you know two of your characters will end up together, write out their wedding day down to all of the nitty gritty details like dress sizes, color palettes, types of flowers, menu and everything in between. Vividly write it out and include the character’s stress of trying to have a perfect wedding day along with the immense joy of getting married to their soulmate.
Kidnapped or runaway? 💔
Write an entire chapter where your main character gets kidnapped and its up to their friends, family, or love interest to find and rescue them. This can be an especially heart-wrenching scene if the kidnapper gives them a ransom or time limit. This can be an especially heart-warming scene if the character in question isn’t in fact kidnappe, but rather they run away and their love interest is the only one who can convince them to come back. If the love interest runs away with them to make sure they’re safe, it will be extra sweet!
They’ve been drugged ❤️😂
Again, this sounds like a heart-wrenching scene, but I promise, it’s not. Remember the part of Stranger things when Steve and Robin were drugged by the Russians and they were so loopy and useless to their friends? Write your characters into the exact same situation and see what kind of hilarious dialogue comes out of it and how they get to know each other better. One rule though, don’t re-watch Stranger Things until after you’ve done this so that you won’t accidentally plagiarize! Not cool!
They’ve been framed 💔
Write an entire scene where your main character just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and they were framed for a terrible crime in their hometown. Write everything from their emotions and thought process to how their friends and family would prove their innocence. If they have any enemies, write how they’d help stack the cards against them. If you want, you can even write them going to jail and document their experience.
Talent show contestants ❤️😂
Write your characters into a good old-fashioned high-school-style talent show. Write out their process for figuring out their talents and deciding what they’ll do for the show, the actual show, and everything afterward. Consider what would happen if they messed up on stage and if their friends or love interest would step in to save them from embarrassment, or if they’d run off stage, sobbing. What would it take your main character to win the talent show?
Dreams and nightmares 💔❤️
While this works for both heart-wrenching and heart-warming categories, write what kind of dreams your characters would have. Write about what their subconscious shows them and describe them in vivid detail. If they have nightmares, write the wild things they see and if they have happy dreams, show us what kind of dreams would make them stay in bed longer.
And that’s it for my five heart-warming and five heart-wrenching scenes to write when your stuck in the middle of a scene. What did you think of these prompts? Do you like writing about other scenes to get yourself unstuck? Are there any other prompts I could have included? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, and as always, thanks’ for reading!
—Payton
How To Write Best Friends to Lovers Romance - That Feels Realistic
Hi writerly friends!
I’m back this week with another romance writing guide. Next week we’ll be discussing how to write believable hate-to-love romance, so I thought it’d be a great warm-up to show you guys how to writer believe best-friend-to-lovers romance. This is obviously a steppingstone and acts as the middle ground between enemies and more-than-friends in hate-to-love romance, so as you might expect, you can’t have one without the other.
However, your characters don’t always have to start out hating each other, they can indeed go from friends to lovers in a single story. Funnily for us, and embarrassingly for your characters and readers, it’s not exactly a straight shot, no—it’s a pretty rocky ride from best friends to lovers and it can be a tricky-to-write trope.
It’s unsurprising that the characters will have a bumpy time getting from one side to the other, as one is decidedly platonic and the other is decidedly romantic, and the transition from friends to lovers can be tough to read, even tougher to write, and often employs tons of awkward exchanges and cringe-worthy moments.
So, how do you write best-friends-to-lovers romance that is realistic and believable to the reader?
Step 1: Embrace The Weirdness
As you might expect, writing best-friends-to-lovers romance stories is going to feel weird, because plot twist, going from best-friends to lovers is weird! Not unearthing any best kept secrets, her—everyone knows it’s a weird shift, especially if you’ve known each other since childhood. So, when writing this trope, don’t shy away from all the weirdness, awkwardness, and embarrassing, gross feelings that happen, because it’s completely natural and these feelings should be present in the story. In fact, the reader should be able to pick up on these feeling and feel weird about it too. Secondhand embarrassment is a thing, and it’s something we want our readers turning pages to get to a point in the story when everything makes sense again and the awkwardness has died down a bit.
However, don’t go so far as to make it unrealistic. Yes, at times the uncomfortableness of the transition should be almost palpable to the reader, but keep the balance between rising and falling tension so that readers stay on the edges of their seats and grit the teeth at all the right moments.
Step 2: Determine Whether the Love is Mutual or Unrequited?
Before we get into the story structure for this trope, ask yourself whether the love between your characters or if it’s unrequited. This is very important to how the story will play out and what choices your characters will make based on their emotions, especially towards the resolution. Both routes can be delicious and heart-wrenching in their own right but know which one you’re going to go with in your own writing, will make the process a lot easier.
Jonah Hauer-King as Laurie Lawerence and Maya Hawke as Jo March in Little Women (2017) Photo by PBS.
To make it easier to chose which path your story will take, I’m going to give you a couple of examples, the first being Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, and the second being Emma by Jane Austen, (and no, I didn’t just pick these two because they involve someone being gifted a piano, but man isn’t that romantic?)
In Little Women, Laurie’s love goes unreturned when Jo tells him she never saw him as more than a friend. This sends him to Europe to avoid his heart break. When he returns after falling for Jo’s sister, being rejected again, and being inspired to do something with his life, he asks Jo to marry him. She rejects him again and ends up marrying someone else, but this story is a prime example of a best-friends-to-lovers romance that took a turn when the love was unrequited.
On the flip side, Emma, by Jane Austen Emma is startled to realize after everything, she is the one who wants to marry Mr. Knightly. When she admits her foolishness for meddling in the romances of others, he proposes, and she accepts. This is a great example of friends who become lovers where the love is returned.
Step 3: Follow The Structure
Alright, now that we got that out of the way, let’s talk about the parts of the BFTL story structure (at least that’s the acronym I’m giving it because that’s just way to much to type every time, sorry, not sorry.)
Whether or not you go by the 3-Act Story Structure, every best-friends-to-lovers romance typically follows this basic format:
Foundation
Set-up
Aha moment
Conflict
Decision
Resolution
Foundation
The first part of the structure for this trope is the foundation, where we are introduced to all core story elements, characters, setting, premise and theme. Here, the reader will get to know what exactly the story they’re reading is.
Set-up
The second part of the structure is the set-up. This is where the meet cute would occur in romance, and for best-friends-turned-lovers romance, it is no different. Introduce the characters, their relationship at this point in the story, and begin laying the groundwork for the transition from best-friends to future lovers.
Click here to read my blog post for creating the perfect meet cute.
While your story might be set preceding or following the formation of your characters friendship, it is important to know how and when they became friends, because if they become lovers later on, this will be an important part in the evolution of their relationship.
Aha Moment
This part of the story is when the characters first realize they are in love with each other. If you chose to go with the unrequited love path, then here, they would learn that one likes the other and decide they don’t feel the same way in return. Consider what path you take for this part because it will really determine how the rest of the story plays out.
Does the one who is rejected continue pursuing their friend romantically, or do they give up on the first try? Does the one who only views their friend platonically have a change of heart and end up with their friend after all? Is it a messy back and forth that never really ends with the two friends becoming lovers? Is the timing ever right? These are all important questions to ask yourself during the aha moment, because it directly drives the following course of the story.
Conflict
Remember the questions I just asked you in the aha moment section? Those questions should be asked and answered in the conflict of the story. Here we see the true feelings come out and the characters will understand the scope of the situation before them.
Decision
Saoirse Ronan as Josephine "Jo" March and Timothée Chalamet as Theodore "Laurie" Laurence (2019). Photo by Wilson Webb .
In the decision part of the best-friends-to-lovers romance, readers will see what choice the characters make based on everything they know at this point and their emotions. They might decide to get together or break up as friends, for good. Everything that has happened has led to this moment and how they react will change the course of their friendship forever. If the love is unrequited, maybe they just stay friends, but it is likely things will be weird and they’ll have to go their separate ways, like Laurie and Jo in Little Women. Perhaps they do end up getting together and marrying with a happy ending such as Emma and Mr. Knightly in Emma.
Resolution
Where do your characters go from here? How does the friendship grow or die after the decisions are made? Is there room for growth as friends and lovers or have they done irreparable damage to a good thing? Unrequited love stories are especially juicy and heart-wrenching in the resolution.
And that’s it for my guide on how to write best-friends-to-lovers romance stories that are believable and realistic. What do you think of these types of stories? Did you like Little Women and Emma? Do you prefer writing mutual or unrequited love? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, and as always, thanks for reading!
Further reading:
—Payton
How To Write The Perfect Meet Cute
Glen Powell as Charlie Young and Zoey Deutch as Harper in Set It Up. Gif by Payton Hayes.
Hello, writerly friends!
Today, we’re discussing the meet cute. What the heck even is a meet cute anyways? Well, according to Google, is an amusing or charming first encounter between two characters that leads to the development of a romantic relationship between them.
Of course, the way you do the meet cute is completely and totally up to you—it can be cute, funny, or disastrous and comical. How you do a meet cute is completely subjective and can be created in a number of ways, but today I am going to show you how to make a meet cute even cuter—like the cutest it could possibly be.
When the reader sees the meeting coming, characters do not
While you can craft a meet cute where both the reader and characters do not see it coming, I think it’s extra interesting when the reader does, because it’s like this little secret between the writer and the reader. I really love meet cutes that do this. It’s like the sense of rising dread you get when you’re reading parts of a story with building tension—except that it’s a good kind of dread because you want the characters to end up meeting. The reader knows something good will come out of this chance encounter, only they know it’s coming, and the characters do not.
Flinn is surprised when Rapunzel hits him with a frying pan during Disney’s Tangled’s meet cute (2010).
A great example of this kind of meet cute is in Disney’s Tangled, when Flynn Rider is running from the law and seeks refuge in Rapunzel’s conveniently hidden tower. We already know Rapunzel is inside and he definitely climbed up the wrong tower. The scene that follows does not disappoint, when Rapunzel smacks him in the face with a frying pan for climbing through her window. I would consider this a comical meet cute, but it works extra well because the viewer knows what will happen before the characters and it builds for extra spicy first meeting.
Joe Bradley wakes a sleeping Princess Ann in Roman Holiday (1953).
Another example of a meet cute where the viewer/reader knows of the meeting before the characters actually meet is Roman Holiday, when Princess Ann shirks her royal responsibilities to see Rome for herself and eventually ends up falling asleep on a street. When the scene shifts to Gregory Peck playing cards with the guys, viewers just know the two are going to meet. After his night out, we see him walking down the same street Ann has fallen asleep on and we’re already anticipating their meeting.
Milo Ventimiglia as Jess Mariano and Alexis Bledel as Rory Gilmore in Gilmore Girls (2000).
Another example of a meet cute where the characters don’t know they’ll be meeting it is in Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 5. Not only does this episode include Jess' first appearance, but it's also the first episode that Rory and he meet. He steals her copy of Allen Ginsberg's "Howl," only to return it to her later in the episode with notes in the margins because Ginsberg is love, you guys. Ah, Jess Mariano — you book thieving-and-annotating bad boy. When Jess swipes Howl from Rory’s room during that ill-fated dinner hosted by Lorelai, and then returns it filled with margin notes, Rory was definitely impressed. (And so were we.) This scene effectively sets up the characters before they even know each other, themselves and shows us that there’s more than meets the eye, both for the mischievous Jess and their tumultuous relationship down the line.
This kind of meet cute makes the reader feel smarter because they know something the characters don’t. This is why it feels like a special little secret between the reader and the writer because the reader feels like he or she has already figured the story out. This is especially effective if you have plot twists and turns later on in the story, because the ground work for the surprises will already be laid out for you.
Characters don’t know they’ll be seeing a lot of each other
Piggybacking on the idea that the characters don’t know they’ll end up together, another meet cute that works really well in many stories is when the characters don’t know they’ll be seeing a lot of each other and/or aren’t too thrilled about it. This is especially fun for awkward situations where the character thinks “oh well, I’ll never see them again anyways,” and then come to find out that they will be seeing them again, and a lot more at that. Awkward is cute, writers.
Gugu Mbatha-Raw as Dido Elizabeth Belle and Sam Reid as John Davinière in Belle.
Pro tip: a sense of awkwardness or secondhand embarrassment is a fantastic feeling to give the reader. It’s as strong as , if not stronger than fear or desire, because its such a vulnerable emotion and it’s one we go out of our way to avoid. If you can invoke this in your reader, then congratulations, you’ve effectively written something that makes people feel.
A great example of this type of meet cute is in the movie Belle, when Dido and John run into each other on her late-night walk. She is startled at first when she finds that he actually came bringing news for her uncle and even more so when she discovers her uncle is John’s tutor and they’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.
Another example of this type of meet cute is in Jane Eyre when Jane first meets Mr. Rochester, he doesn’t tell her who he is, but later when she returns home, she recognizes his dog and realizes the true identity of the man she’d met on the road, earlier that day.
This kind of meet cute is really great because not only does it introduce a whole new level of awkward! but it also allows us to get to know the characters before they know each other and makes their relationship down the road, a lot cuter.
Irony, or something happening that would never happen later in the story
Megan Follows as Anne Shirley and Jonathan Crombie as Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables (1985).
This is probably one of the most powerful, yet hard to pull off versions of the meet cute, but if you can nail it, it can prove for a really effective first meeting and adds dept to the relationship later. Using irony in your meet cute makes the meeting 100x better because when these two characters are in love some day and they look back on their relationship later, it will be so funny to look back and think about how ironic their first encounter really was.
One great example of the use of irony in a meet cute is in Anne of Green Gables when Anne Shirley breaks Gilbert Blythe’s slate over his head out of temper when he teases her repeatedly. This was a very effective and ironic meet cute because the two characters would never behave in such a way after they’d gotten together but it really makes for a memorable first meeting.
“I've loved you ever since that day you broke your slate over my head in school." Oh Gil❤️
The second meeting is even more awkward
Okay, the only thing better than making your reader feel the palpable awkwardness is making them feel it twice! (Or three times if you’re gutsy enough!) This kind of meet cute is incredibly effective, especially if you tie it in with the first two where 1) only the reader knows they will meet and 2) they don’t know they’ll run into each other a lot more following the first meeting. This makes for a really, really strong meet cute where the characters and the reader are almost swimming the awkward emotions and the only way to move past it is to keep reading and see how it plays out.
The first meeting happens and once it’s over and done, you can bring it back around for the second meeting which is filled to the brim with potential for even more awkwardness, shyness, embarrassment and dramatic meet cute goodness!
An example of this meet cute is in Downton Abbey when Mary Talbot and Matthew Crawley meet for the first time, she walks in on Matthew saying some offhanded things to his mother. He is talking about how he will likely be shoved into an arranged marriage with one of the Talbot daughters since their parents had heard he was a bachelor. She says she hopes she isn’t interrupting anything but of course, that proves to be the case when they meet again later and its super awkward.
Callback to the meet cute
Megan Follows as Anne Shirley and Jonathan Crombie as Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables (1985).
All of these are great ways to effectively nail the meet cute for your characters, but you get bonus points for bringing it back up later on in the story. It’s really fun to see the characters in love reflecting on their embarrassing first meeting and makes for a great treat for the reader. A callback is a really effective literary device where something happens in the beginning of the story and is later referenced towards the end of the story in another context, essentially calling it back to the reader’s memory.
Audrey Hepburn as Princess Ann and Gregory Peck as Joe Bradley in Roman Holiday (1953).
Some particularly cute examples of this callback to the meet cute is in Anne of Green Gables when Gil calls her Carrot, endearingly, in Roman Holiday when Princess Ann says “So happy, Mister Bradley,” in reference to her muttering “So happy” in her sleep on the street, and in Jane Eyre when Mr. Rochester says, “You always were a witch” to Jane in reference to their very first meeting when he’d said “Get away from me, witch!”
These are just a few really well-done meet cutes and you’ll find it’s always the little things that make these meeting iconic, memorable, and downright adorable.
That’s it for the secrets to the perfect meet cute. Try using them all and let me know what you think. Do you prefer to use one version over another or do you like using them together? Do you ever call back to your meet cutes? What is the most important element of a meet cute? And what are some of your favorite meet cutes? Let me know in the comments below!
Further reading:
Thumbnail photo by Natalie.
—Payton