Book Writing 101: Everything You Need To Know About Dialogue

June 27, 2021 Payton Hayes

Hi Readers and writerly friends!

This week in Freelancing, we’re discussing dialogue tags and how to properly format them. Consider this as your new intensive, all-encompassing guide for doing fictional dialogue well.

No matter what genre you write in, learning how to write dialogue effective is an essential part of any writer’s toolkit. Poorly-written dialogue can be distracting or worse —it could cause your readers to close the book in disgust. However, dialogue that is done well can transform your characters into truly believable people and you readers into satisfied, lifelong fans. Of course, the best kind of dialogue isn’t just believable conversation between characters. Good dialogue provide exposition, involves distinct language true to the voice of the speaker, and most importantly, helps move the story along. Dialogue is directly tied to pacing, plot, and tension, and can make or break your story just as much as lame characters or a sagging plot.

This guide is separated into three parts for your convenience: 1) Dialogue Basics, 2) Punctuating Dialogue, and 3) Dialogue Tags—and is filled with cheat sheets, quick-reference-guides, examples, and more to help you with your writing! (This post took me a long time to write, so if you found it helpful, please consider leaving a comment and sharing this with your writerly friends!)

Of course, this is just my own experience as well as examples of other writers who have done dialogue well, but this is by no means a rulebook for dialogue. I’m simply a proponent of the idea that if you know the rules of the writing world well, you can effectively break them well.

Dialogue Basics

Enter late, leave early.

If you’ve been around the writing world for a moment, you might have heard this phrase tossed about when discussing scenes, pacing, and dialogue. It’s a helpful saying for remembering to start a scene at just the right time instead of too early or too late.

Alfred Hitchcock once said that “drama is life with all the boring bits cut out.” Hinging on that, you could say that good dialogue is like a real conversation without all the fluff, and one of the best/easiest ways to cut out that boring fluff is to enter the conversation as late as possible.

Think about it: How many times have you heard someone in real life or in media say, “I hate small talk.” It is the same for your readers. They don’t want to be there for every single “Hi, how are you doing today?” or “I’m doing great, how are you? Thanks for asking. The weather is lovely, isn’t it?” This is a fine and good, but its not interesting dialogue, and it’s highly unlikely that this would move any story’s plot along in a meaningful way. The same goes for other kinds of small talk that usually occurs at the beginning and end of a scene. In order to avoid this kind of slow-paced dialogue, simply enter late and leave early.

Keep dialogue tags simple.

Dialogue tags are the phrases in writing that indicate who is speaking at any given time. “I want to write a book” Layla said. In this case, “I want to write a book” is the dialogue and “Layla said” is the tag. Of course, there are plenty of other dialogue tags you could use besides “said,” such as “stated,” “exclaimed,” or “declared” and so on. When writing dialogue, you generally should keep these elaborate tags to a minimum. Think of it this way, to the reader “said” is boring and simple, but its virtually invisible. Readers expect you to use “said” and because of this, it isn’t distracting to the reader.

Remember the KISS method —Keep It Simple, Sweetie? Remember that for dialogue tags. It’s always better to air on the side of caution than risk potentially distracting your reader with overly complicated, elaborate or convoluted dialogue tags.

As American novelist and screenwriter Elmore Leonard put it:

“Never use a verb other than ‘said’ to carry dialogue. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But ‘said’ is far less intrusive than ‘grumbled,’ ‘gasped,’ ‘cautioned,’ ‘lied’” (Leonard 2021).

“Intrusive” is the operative word here. You want to bring readers into your scene and make them feel like firsthand observers, like one of the characters in the background, without drawing attention to the fact that they’re reading a book. Wordy dialogue tags are a surefire way to yank your readers out of the immersion of a story and snap them back to reality. When you raid your thesaurus for fancy dialogue tags, you risk taking readers out of the scene for a fleeting display of your verbal virtuosity. This is true for any writing where you use convoluted language where you would be better served using simple language instead. If it serves a purpose to use uncommon or elaborate verbiage, then by all means, do so, but if its just for the sake of using big words, the practice of using “wordy” language is best avoided.

Additionally, in some instances, dialogue tags can be removed altogether. If there are only two or three people present in a conversation, dialogue tags aren’t always necessary to keep track of the speaker, especially if their voices are distinct convey a character’s personality to the reader.

Descriptive action beats are your friend.

Action beats are descriptions of the expressions, movements, or even internal thoughts that accompany the speaker’s words, and are included in the same paragraph as the dialogue to indicate that the person acting is the same person who is speaking. Action beats help illustrate what’s going on in a scene, and can even replace dialogue tags, avoiding the need for a long list of lines ending in “he said,” or “she said.”

Check out the fourth part of this guide for an example of how to use action beats to strengthen and vary your dialogue structure.

Character voices should be distinct.

Another key aspect of writing realistic and engaging dialogue is make each character sound distinctly like “themselves.” This employs the use of a number of different linguistic elements, such as syntax and diction, levels of energy and formality, humor, confidence, and any speech-related quirks (such as stuttering, lisping, or ending every sentence like it’s a question). Some of these elements may change depending on the circumstances of the conversation, and especially when it comes to whom each person is speaking, but no matter what, there should always be an underlying current of personality that helps the reader identify each speaker.

Example: Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

In the very first piece of dialogue in Pride and Prejudice, readers encounter Mrs and Mr. Bennet, the former of whom is attempting to draw her husband, the latter, into a conversation of neighborhood gossip.

“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?”

     Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

     “But it is,” returned she; “for Mrs. Long has just been here, and she told me all about it.”

     Mr. Bennet made no answer.

     “Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried his wife impatiently.

     “You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.”

     This was invitation enough.

     “Why, my dear, you must know, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of England; that he came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it, that he agreed with Mr. Morris immediately; that he is to take possession before Michaelmas, and some of his servants are to be in the house by the end of next week.” (Austen 2002)

Austen’s dialogue is always witty, subtle, and packed with character and is never simple or convoluted. Readers instantly learn everything they need to know about the dynamic between Mr. and Mrs. Bennet from their first interaction: she’s chatty, and he’s the beleaguered listener who has learned to entertain her idle gossip.

Develop character relationships.

Dialogue is an excellent tool to demonstrate and develop character relationships throughout your story. Good dialogue establishes relationships, but great dialogue adds new, engaging layers of complexity to them.

One of the best ways to ensure your character’s dialogue reflects their personalities and relationships is to practice some dialogue writing exercises. It’s likely that you won’t actually end up using the products of these exercises in your writing, but they’re an easy, low-pressure way to practice developing your characters and their relationships to one another.

For this kind of practice, I’ve found that exercises like “What Did You Say?” are particularly helpful.

Pretend three of your characters have won the lottery. How does each character reveal the big news to their closest friend? Write out their dialogue with unique word choice, tone, and body language in mind.

If the lottery isn’t interesting enough, consider changing things up. Maybe three of your characters have a role to play in a murder investigation. Each one knows a different take on what happened. Lottery or murder investigation aside, developing your character’s relationship will teach you more about your characters themselves, their stories and circumstances, and how to write dialogue that best fits within that framework.

Find similar exercises here.

Developing character relationships alongside and through dialogue is an excellent opportunity to work on both simultaneously. In this exercise, there are a number of characteristics that will affect how each character perceives and delivers the news that they’ve won the lottery (or that they’ve been involved in a murder investigation).

These characteristics might include whether a character:

Is confident and outgoing vs. shy and reserved
Takes things in a lighthearted manner rather than being too serious
Has lofty personal aspirations or doesn’t
Couldn’t care less or wants to help others
Thinks they deserve good things or not

Carefully consider each of your characters and which of these categories they fall into. This should help you determine how they all relate and react to each other in the context of such news.

Show, don’t tell.

Much like the “enter late, leave early” saying, you’ve probably seen or heard this phrase making rounds throughout the writing world. It’s a sliver of advice that creatives like to use as a buzzphrase in writing communities, but there may be a golden nugget of wisdom to be found in it.

Readers enjoy making inferences based on the clues the author provides, so don’t just lay everything out on the table. This doesn’t mean be cryptic —on the contrary. It basically means you should imply information rather than outright stating it.

Take the dialogue below for example. Even if this is the first instance the reader encounters of Jones and Walker, its easy to deduce that they are police officers who used to work together, that they refer to each other by their last names, and that Jones misses Walker — and possibly wants him to come back, despite Walker’s intentions to stay away.

Hey, Jones. Long time no see.”

“Heh, Yeah, Walker, tell me about it. The precinct isn’t the same without you.”

“Well, you know I had good reason for leaving.”

“I do. But I also thought you might change your mind.”

However, cloaking this information in dialogue is a lot more interesting than the narrator simply saying, “Jones and Walker used to work together on the force. Walker left after a grisly murder case, but now Jones needs his help to solve another.”

Of course, sometimes dialogue is a good vehicle for literally telling — for instance, at the beginning or end of a story, it can be used for exposition or to reveal something dramatic, such as a villain’s scheme. But for the most part, dialogue should show rather than tell in order to keep readers intrigued, constantly trying to figure out what it means.

Bounce quickly back and fourth.

When writing dialogue, it’s also important to bounce quicky back and forth between speakers, like in a tennis match. Consider the ping-pong pace of this conversation between an unnamed man and a girl named Jig, from Hemingway's short story, "Hills Like White Elephants".

It might seem simple or obvious, but this rule can be an easy one to forget when one speaker is saying something important. The other person in the conversation still needs to respond. Likewise, a way to effectively break this rule is to intentionally omit the other character’s response altogether if the plot warrants it. Sometimes, leaving the other character shocked proves to be just as effective on the reader.

On the other hand, you don’t want lengthy, convoluted monologues unless its specifically intended and needed to drive the plot forward. Take a close look at your dialogue to ensure there aren’t any long, unbroken blocks of text as these typically indicate lengthy monologues and are easily fixed by inserting questions, comments, and other brief interludes from fellow speakers.

Alternately, you can always break it up using small bits of action and description, or with standard paragraph breaks, if there’s a scene wherein you feel a lengthy monologue is warranted.

Try reading your dialogue out loud.

It can be tricky to spot weak dialogue when reading it on the page or a computer screen, but by reading out loud, we can get a better idea of the quality of our dialogue. Is it sonically true to the characters’ distinct voices? Is it complex and interesting, conveying quirks and personality beyond plot? Does it help drive the plot in a meaningful way or is dialogue being used to fill space? If it is the latter, it should be removed, but more on that next.

For instance, is your dialogue clunky or awkward? Does it make you cringe to hear it read aloud? Do your jokes not quite land? Does one of your characters speak for an unusually long amount of time that you hadn’t noticed before, or does their distinct "voice" sound inconsistent in one scene? All of these problems and more can be addressed by simply reading your dialogue out loud.

Don’t take my word for it, take John Steinbeck’s! He once recommended this very strategy in a letter to actor Robert Wallston: “If you are using dialogue, say it aloud as you write it. Only then will it have the sound of speech.”

Remove unnecessary dialogue.

Dialogue is just one tool in the writer’s toolbox and while it’s a useful and essential storytelling element, you don’t have to keep all of the dialogue you write in your first or second drafts. Pick and choose which techniques best tell your story and present the interior life of your characters. This could mean using a great deal of dialogue in your writing, or it might not. Carefully consider your story and the characters and whether or not it makes sense for them to have dialogue between one another in any given scene. Just because dialogue can be brilliant, doesn’t mean it’s always integral to a scene, so feel free to cut it as needed.

Format and punctuate your dialogue properly.

Proper formatting and punctuation of your dialogue makes your story clear and understandable. Nothing is more distracting or disorienting within a story than poorly formatted or improperly punctuated dialogue —well, except for an excess of wordy dialogue tags instead of “said,” but I digress! Likewise, knowing when to use quotation marks, where to put commas, full stops, question marks, hyphens, and dashes will make your text look polished and professional to agents and publishers.

How to format dialogue:

Indent each new line of dialogue.
Put quotation marks around the speech itself.
Punctuation that affects the speech’s tone goes inside the quotation marks.
If you quote within a quote, use single rather than double quotation marks.
If you break up a line of dialogue with a tag (e.g. “she said”), put a comma after the tag. However, if you put a tag in between two complete sentences, use a period.
Speaking of tags, you don’t always need them, as long as the speaker is implied.
If you start with a tag, capitalize the first word of dialogue.

Avoid these major dialogue mistakes.

Tighten up your pacing and strengthen your dialogue by avoiding these common dialogue issues. Although the differences in some of these examples are subtle word choice, usage frequency, and arrangement play a big part in dialogue delivery. Consider how these small changes can make a big difference in your writing.

Too many dialogue tags

As you might have guessed, the most contradictory advice you can receive and most egregious errors you can make when writing dialogue have to do with dialogue tags. Do use them. Don’t use them. Don’t use “said.” Do use “said.” Do use interesting tags. Don’t use too elaborate tags. How does the lowly writer win?

Consider this: good storytelling is a delicate balance between showing and telling: action and narrative. So, how does one do dialogue well? Craft and maintain a sustainable balance between action and narrative within your story. I can’t tell you when and when not to use elaborate dialogue tags or when to cut tags out altogether, but I can suggest that when you examine your dialogue, keep this idea in mind and consider it when you sense the balance of action and narrative has skewed slightly (or dramatically) to one side or the other.

Constantly repeating “he said,” “she said,” and so on, is boring and repetitive for your readers, as you can see here:

So, keep in mind that you can often omit dialogue tags if you’ve already established the speakers, like so:

One can tell from the action beats, as well as the fact that it’s a two-person back-and-forth conversation, which lines belong to which speaker. Dialogue tags can just distract from the conversation — although if you did want to use them, “said” would still be better than fancy tags like “declared” or “effused.”

Lack of structural variety

Much like the “too many tags” issue is the lack of structural variety that can sometimes arise in dialogue. It’s an issue that most commonly presents itself in narrative but can occur in dialogue as well. Not sure what I’m talking about? Take a look at these sections again:

Now, action beats are great, but here they’re used repeatedly in exactly the same way — first the dialogue, then the beat — which looks odd and unnatural on the page. Indeed, any recurrent structure like this (which also includes putting dialogue tags in the same place every time) should be avoided.

Luckily, it’s easy to rework repetitive structure into something much more lively and organic, just by shifting around some of the action beats and tags:

Another common dialogue mistake is restating the obvious — i.e. information that either the characters themselves or the reader already knows.

For example, say you want to introduce two brothers, so you write the following exchange:

This exchange is clearly awkward and a bit ridiculous, since the characters obviously know how old they are. What’s worse, it insults the reader’s intelligence — even if they didn’t already know that Sherri and Kerri were thirty-five-year-old, twin sisters, they wouldn’t appreciate being spoon-fed like this.

If you wanted to convey the same information in a subtler way, you might write it like:

This makes the dialogue more about Indiana Jones than the brothers’ age, sneaking in the info so readers can figure it out for themselves.

Unrealistic smooth-talking and clichés

In your quests to craft smooth-sounding dialogue, don’t make it flow so smoothly that it sounds fake. Unfortunately, this is a weak point of sounding your dialogue out aloud because even though it may sound good, it may not sound believable. Consider reading dialogue with a friend or critique partner to see if it sounds believable coming from someone else. If it doesn’t sound any better read by your friend, it might be an indicator that your dialogue needs some work. It can also be helpful to record dialogue (with the participants’ permission, of course) and study it for natural speech patterns and phrases. (Feel free to leave out any excess “um”s and “er”s that typically accompany authentic dialogue.) Authentic-sounding written dialogue reflects real life speech.

Likewise, you should steer clear of clichés in your dialogue as much as in the rest of your writing. While it’s certainly true that people sometimes speak in clichés (though this is often tongue-in-cheek), if you find yourself writing the phrase “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” or “Shut up and kiss me,” you may need a reality check.

For a full roster of dialogue clichés, check out this super-helpful list from Scott Myers.

Disregarding dialogue completely

Finally, the worst mistake you can make when writing dialogue is… well, not writing it in the first place! Circling back to one of the first points made in this guide, dialogue is an integral part of storytelling. It’s an important element in any story, no matter the genre because it provides exposition, indicates, personality, and character relationships, and can even be used to reveal a major plot twist during the climax.

So, what do you think of this guide? I will be adding to it periodically, so make sure to bookmark it and join my newsletter to get notifications when updates go live! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Bibliography:

Recent blog posts:

See this gallery in the original post

Payton Hayes Writing & Editing Services